insomniac, baby
Help Adrienne! I had one of those, you know, the "waking up with a gasp" moments? I decided to stop trying to fall back asleep and maybe get some work done to ease my obviously troubled mind. Sometimes the panic that hits me is palpable, I'm afraid it wakes up Kevin; it's like there's three of us in bed: me, kevin, and my panic. Life is going by so fast right now. I hardly feel the days turning into the next. To make it worse, everyone I know is having babies, which adds to my panic. I feel this growing pressure, like I'm watching this balloon cook inside an oven. It's like there's a turkey cooking in the oven, in one of them big pots with the potatoes and the stuffing, but it's not a turkey, it's a big red balloon, and it's quivering from the pressure of the heat, dripping with gravy and oozing juices. It's hissing. It's about to blow.
And then I know what this is. It's so cliche, I can hardly stand it. My freakin' biological clock. Boom. Boom. Boom. I never thought I would be one to succumb to baby fever. It's not a fever, it's more like a virus, and everyone is infected. It's a mass epidemic crawling through the city...Women's stomachs are popping out all over the place!
A child will bring meaning to my life. It will remind me of why I'm here on this planet. It will leave something remarkable and meaningful behind. It will be an extension of me and of kevin and what we have together and he/she/whoever will be perfect.
posted by maiko@theatrereplacement.org @ 6:55 AM
2 Comments:
oh god...if minor & mitsue were to see this they'd be jumpin' up and down with joy. you will be a wonderful mother - you will teach your child all the wonderful imagination, humour and passion that is you. I can't wait to meet him/her. I'm gonna spoil them rotten.
xoxo
s.
If I could pick my parents, I would choose you and Kevin. Not that my parents aren't amazing. Or that I don't appreciate everything they have done for me. But imagine that reincarnation actually exists, now imagine that suddenly i have the opportunity to be born again, now imagine my soul sitting pretty in some cosmic waiting room flipping through catalogues of prospective parents the way some flip through fashion magazines (oooo, *this one* looks good...). imagine my surprise when you're beautiful faces come up and I think, "finally, my luck has changed!" zoom and zip into your womb and that, as they say, is that.
NOW, assuming that I will be around to hold the little yamaduff when s/he makes his/her appearance, AND I'm pretty great, NOW imagine the wondrous souls fighting over you like the last red lollypop in the bowl.
Things happen when they happen, because they must happen. You're life already has so much meaning... to me. It means a lot to me. I wouldn't be the me I am if it weren't the you you are. There's time. It will happen.
I love you.
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